Her
hair shone in the moonlight. Her eyes glistened with fresh tears as
she looked up at him with sad eyes. The pain she was in seemed to
make her more lovely; she seemed to love him more when she was sad.
He hugged her tightly, she pressed her tear stained face against the
front of his army uniform and sobbed. She begged him to come back to
her, and he promised. He leaned down and met her lips with his; with
one last kiss he walked away from her to dock the ship to Germany.
The
road out of Nashville was empty. It was 2:48am, and Louie Carter was
running away. He had nothing but the money he had saved from two
years in the army, the uniform on his back, his father's old coat and
a letter sitting in the front seat of his light blue 1948 Plymouth
Coupe. The windows were down, cooling the heat off of his cheeks and
tousling his curly blond hair. His grey eyes glistened with tears
that he was trying so desperately to hold back and his long fingers
gripped the steering wheel as he sped down the road toward the city
limits.
Tears
ran down his face, giving in as he pulled over on the old road. He
pulled his bulky, six-foot-two-inch frame out of the car and leaned
against the hood. He allowed himself this time to cry. He had stayed
strong in front of her
mother. He hadn't shed a tear when he kissed his parents
goodbye. So here, alone in the dark with a letter gripped in his
hand, he heaved big, loud sobs of despair. His heart was gone. It had
been ripped from its cage inside of his body and she had taken it
with her. She held onto it, her nails ripping it apart; he could feel
every tear she had placed upon its surface. He was dying from the
inside out.
Louie
fell to the ground beside his car, his hands and knees covered in the
dust from the road. He pressed his back up against the front wheel
and rested his arms on his knees. He leaned his head back, allowing
the tears to flow freely as he closed his eyes and thought of her.
The
images of her flew through his mind like the scenes from a moving
picture. Her smile, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed at one
of his jokes, the glisten of her blue eyes against pale skin. Her
blond hair, always down in loose curls, flowed freely in the wind.
Then there was the last time he saw her: Her blue dress; it matched
her eyes. Her eyes were wet with tears of sorrow and loss. She was
sad to see him go, his uniform smelled of her tears and perfume for
days after his departure. To the day, he remembered that smell more
than he remembered the names of his old friends. She was his
everything and she was gone.
He
looked down at his hands. The envelope with his name on it, the one
he couldn't bear to open, it sat in his hands and looked up at him
mockingly. This was all he had left of her. This was the last token
of his love and he couldn't bear to even look at it. He got up
swiftly and swung his car door open. He leaned in over the seat and
shoved the letter into his jacket pocket before sitting down and
resting his hands on the steering wheel once more. With a heaving
sigh, he put the car in gear and headed out of Nashville. He had no
idea where he was going, but anywhere was better than there.
The
days passed without a word. He sat in his tent with his fellow
soldiers, clutching her last letter. A few, small words scrawled on a
piece of paper. A photograph of her in the sun. The very thought of
her sleeping soundly in her bed left him with a feeling of safety.
The bombs may drop around him for eternity as long as she is safe.
It was almost 8pm
when she heard his boots thump along the porch steps. She sat
underneath her second floor bedroom window, her back pressed against
the wall and her knees up to her chin. Her left hand had a shiny new
ring on it, and she spun it around her finger nervously. She knew
what was about to come, and she almost couldn't bear it.
For almost two
years, Anne had waited faithfully for Louie. Every day, the weight of
his missing presence weighed down on her until her tough exterior had
cracked. Her mama had been pushing her to go out with Tom Bueler, the
boy who used to follow her around the school yard. For the first
while, all she could do was think of life with Louie. She cried every
night, had terrible dreams about going to his funeral, and spent her
days missing every aspect of him. Then, after months of pestering,
she agreed to take off the ring that Louie had given her and go out
on an official date with Tom. One date turned into many dates, and
many turned into a proposal. One Anne had accepted.
Now, she sat and
waited; waited for his voice to ring through the house. She waited
for his voice to call out to her, to ask her the truth. The door
knocked with the rumbling of his knocks, and Mama opened the door.
“Good evening,
Mrs. Weal. Is Anne home? I have come to call on her,” his voice was
so happy. So cheerful. Anne leaned her head back and shivered.
“I'm sorry,
Louie. She is not home. But she asked me to give you this,” The
rustle of paper. Her goodbye letter. “She has moved on. I'm sorry.
Anne will be married soon, and she wanted you to have this.”
No response.
Nothing. Her mama closed the door and Anne jumped up to the window.
She flung the curtains open with tears streaming down from her eyes
and watched him get into his car and drive away. His tires squealed
on the pavement, a representation of how he must be feeling.
“Annie?” Her
mama's voice called to her from down stairs. Anne wiped away her
tears and smoothed her blond curls before opening her door and
walking down the stairs to meet her.
“Are you
alright?” Her mama was sitting in the kitchen, her hair and dress
perfect as she sipped tea at the table.
“Yes,” Anne
said, as she stood in the doorway, her hands folded in front of her.
Her mama preferred Anne to look composed all the time. Feeling sad
was not something proper girls did. “Did he handle the news well?”
“Yes, he was
fine,” her mama after gulping her mouthful of earl gray. “I am
just glad he did not make a spectacle on my front porch. He has
respect, that one. But Tom is the right man for you, dear. You'll see
one day.”
Anne blinked back
tears and lowered her head. “Yes, mama,” she whispered before
turning back towards the staircase.
“Tom called, by
the way. He will be here in an hour for your drive. Don't keep him
waiting this time.”
Anne said nothing
as she walked up the stairs. She held in the lump that was in her
throat until she returned to her room and closed the door behind her.
She crumpled against the door and sobbed for a love that she had to
leave behind, for her own good.
Louie traveled through many states, stopping only temporarily on his journey away
from home. He stayed with relatives in Texas, drove to Kentucky to
stay with a few army buddies and even crossed the border into Canada
to walk through the streets of Niagara. Everywhere he went, he was
reminded of her. He saw many couples; they walked passed him, huddled
together in the cold, arms linked in the summer. The men laid their
jackets across their woman's shoulders or pushed their hair away from
their eyes as they sat on park benches. Louie had been everywhere,
but he was still empty inside.
Months turned into
years, and when he drove into New York, he was ready to settle down
and hold a steady job again. He took a position with a construction
company and rented an apartment near the centre of town. He walked to
work on the warmest days, observing everything and everyone that
passed him. Still, no matter how hard he tried, his heart was still
in Tennessee and everything in him was begging him to go home. His
chest was ever tightening, with each passing year, and the dreams
only got worse as the nights passed him by. He woke up each morning,
hoping that his life was a dream and he would see her face as he
opened his eyes. Every morning he arose from his slumber alone; left
only with the fading dreams of blond hair and blue eyes.
...
One cold morning,
while Louie was off work for the day due to heavy snowfall, he
decided to stop into a diner he had passed every day on his way to
the construction site. “The East End” was a small, modern diner
with a large counter with cushioned stools, six red-and-white booths
with silver tables and four round silver tables that possessed two
silver chairs with red-and-white cushions. The bar was white
linoleum, and had two soda fountains attached to it so the waitresses
had easy access. The walls were painted a bright red, and the jukebox
in the corner played Frank Sinatra for the entire diner to hear.
The stools were all
taken except for one at the very end, closest to the door. Louie
quickly sat down and shrugged off his jacket and scarf. The waitress
on hand came over with a pad of paper and a pen and smiled widely at
him. Her name tag read “Jackie,” and she looked tired from
rushing around the place by herself.
“What can I get
ya, sugar?” she asked breathlessly.
“Coffee, two
sugar,” Louie said, watching her as she put her pad in her front
pocket and went to get him a cup.
“Anything else?”
She smiled at him, showing fatigue as she blew a loose strand of
brown hair out of her eyes.
“No, thank you.”
Louie sat in silence and watched the people leaving and entering the
packed diner. It was lunch hour, so there were women dressed up,
fresh from the office, men in uniforms from various places around
town and in suits from offices across the street. He was the only one
dressed in a plain pair of slacks and a black sweater. He felt out of
place as he sipped the hot coffee in front of him.
“You're a quiet
one,” Jackie leaned her side on the counter in front of him,
startling him to the point of him jumping and spilling a couple drops
of coffee on the counter. “Jumpy too.”
“I'm sorry,” he
said, embarrassed as he grabbed a napkin from the dispenser beside
him and wiped up the spilled coffee. “I was just thinking.”
“Of what?” she
enquired, the corners of her brown eyes crinkling as she smiled at
him.
“It's not
important.”
“Ah,” she said,
leaning her head back and standing upright and stretching her arms
over her head. “A lady friend.”
“Pardon me?”
Louie cocked and eyebrow at her as she stretched out her back.
“Men think about
two things in this city, darlin',” she said, her voice strained as
she leaned backwards to crack the small of her back. “It's either
money or it's a lady. If it was money, you wouldn't have told me it
wasn't important. It's a lady. A lady who has done ya wrong.”
Louie looked at her
as she cracked her neck and sighed. “The woman in question is no
longer important.”
“Ah, but if she
wasn't, you wouldn't be thinking of her, now would you?”
Louie shook his
head and pulled the money for his coffee out of his pocket, putting
it on the counter as he made an attempt to get up,but Jacket touched
his hand as he swung the stool around.
“Listen,” she
started quietly. “I can tell ya've gotten your heart broken. I can
see it. I didn't mean no harm. I will not mention this again, I won't
pester you no more. Okay?”
Louie nodded and
got up from the stool. “Thank you for the coffee.” He pulled his
coat and scarf around his body and headed swiftly for the door. He
lit a cigarette as he exited and walked the two blocks back to his
cold apartment, her image taunting him in his head once more.
Charlotte was 15.
She stood in a calf-length,black dress, a veil covering half of her
tear-stained face as she grasped a bouquet of lilies in her gloved
hands. The casket lowered into the ground, the too-bright sun
gleaming over the slick, chocolate wood lid. Her mama's face was just
underneath. She stood alone, the rest of the family and friends on
the other side of the plot; on her father's side. He had been buried
8 years earlier, and now her mama was following.
She
could hear the whispering of the family; “So young,” “Who is
going to look after her now?” “All alone in that
big house,” she tuned out what she could; squeezing her eyes shut
behind her black rimmed glasses. New tears fell down her cheeks as
the preacher instructed her to toss a handful of dirt onto the
casket. She daintily crouched down, her black low slung heels digging
into the fresh spring grass, and picked up a handful of dirt. She let
it fall between her gloved fingers slowly, watching as it sprinkled
over the casket lid. She stood up, never bothering to wipe her gloves
clean, and waited for the ceremony to be over in silence.
Each person left,
some in pairs, some individually. Everyone but Charlotte. She stayed
there, locked in place as the rain began to fall. She watched the
grave diggers cover up her mama. Only after all of the dirt had been
put back, and it was pouring down rain, did Charlotte walk through
town back home. She flung her hat off and tossed it in the street,
people watched the little mourner walk in silence as the rain
pummelled her. Her hair, the colour of coal, clung to her face. Her
makeup smeared and ran down her face as she walked. Her feet hurt in
her shoes and her dress was uncomfortable against her soaking wet
body, but Charlotte was outside of herself and barely noticed the
discomfort. Nothing was worse than what she was feeling down in her
soul. She walked in the rain for an hour, never looking around her or
making eye contact with anyone. She lived just outside of New York
City; a little strip of countryside that housed about 300 people.
Everyone knew who she was, but no one approached her. She was
grateful.
As she climbed the
porch steps, she stood in front of the wooden door that housed
everything that belonged to her mama inside of it. Her dress made
puddles around her aching feet as the rain poured down the sloped
porch overhang behind her. As much as she wanted to, she could not
bring herself to turn the knob and go in. She knew that once she was
in, the door shut behind her, she would be alone. Alone with the
smell of old wine and sugar cookies from the kitchen. Faint scents of
vanilla would radiate down the stairs; just like it did when Mama
wore her best perfume. Tiny notes of apple and cinnamon from her
favourite candles, which were sat in their place on the coffee table
in the front room. How could she walk in to that?
Charlotte's body
finally gave out and she collapsed on the porch. She sobbed into her
hands, smearing her face with the grave dirt from earlier. She didn't
care. She was fifteen and she was alone. No one to come home to, no
one to see on the porch after school, no songs in the early morning.
Charlotte Ramsey was officially all by herself.
...
Charlotte woke up,
still in her slightly damp dress and on the front porch, at 6am. The
early morning sun shone into her eyes, awakening her from her
dreamless sleep. She rose to a sitting position on the rough wooden
floor and rubbed her hands along her freezing upper arms and
shoulders. Her dress had stuck to her left side, the side she slept
on, and the brisk morning air went straight to the damp spots and
sent shivers along her skin. She knew she needed to get up and
change.
She stood up, her
legs feeling like jello after walking so far the night before, and
stepped towards the front door. Her hand hovered over the handle of
the storm door, shaking slightly as she braced herself for what she
was about to experience. She hadn't been inside since her mama had
passed away a week ago; staying at friends' and family's houses until
the funeral. She took a deep breath and pulled the storm door open,
pushed the heavy, wooden door open and stepped inside.
Everything swirled
into vision as she closed the wooden door behind her and leaned her
back against it. Everything was exactly the same; just the way it had
always been. She breathed in deeply. The same smells, the same
sights, the same memories flooded back to her as she stepped into the
sitting room. The blue sofa by the window, the dark brown love seat
with the flower pillows and the matching armchair came into view
against the faded, off-white carpeting. The purple curtains swung in
the morning breeze, as mama always left the windows open just a
little bit all year round. In the winter, the house was freezing, but
mama said it gave them an excuse to light a fire and read while
snuggled in blankets.
Charlotte walked
through the sitting room into the dinette, running her hand along the
wooden chairs that circled the small table in the centre of the room.
Her and mama had every meal there. Charlotte had done her homework
and helped mama arrange flowers for the window sills at that table.
All of the memories that Charlotte had seemingly forgotten came
flooding back to her as she walked through the house.
She finally made
her way up the stairs to the washroom. All she wanted was to get out
of her dress and into something comfortable and warm. She peeled off
the dress and kicked the shoes off her feet and stepped inside of
bathtub. She turned the water on let it fill around her feet to her
shins before sitting in the hot water. She sunk really low, letting
the water drown her body and hair in warmth. She envisioned that her
mama was downstairs, making tea and toast for breakfast. She
envisioned that this was her before-school bath and that mama would
come pounding on the door any second because she was taking too long.
She envisioned that everything was normal. Minutes passed, and no one
came pounding on the door. There was no smell of toast and tea
floating up the stairs and this was not the average, normal morning.
After what seemed
like hours, Charlotte emerged from the bathroom, her face and skin
had been scrubbed red, and her hair hung loose around her shoulders.
In her old nightgown, she went straight for her mama's room. She
opened the door, which groaned and squeaked on their hinges, and
Charlotte popped her head inside. It looked just the way it always
did: the four-post bed stood in the middle of the room, its red
sheets and blankets stood out amongst the wood that made up all of
the furniture in the room and the white that painted the walls. She
went straight for the bed and snuggled under the blankets. The
pillows still smelled like her mama's shampoo, and she breathed it in
deeply. The smell lingered for a long time as Charlotte curled into a
ball and scanned the room, her eyes falling on the photo of her, her
mama and her father; the last one ever taken of all three of them.
Exhausted from all
of her emotions, Charlotte fell asleep amidst the smells of her
mother and the memories of her father. She slept all through the day
to the next morning. When she finally arose, she was ready to do what
she needed to do to move on with her life. Her mama wouldn't want to
see her weak and struggling. She knew she was going to have hard
days, but she would face everything with her head up; to make her
mama proud.
The
first time Louie saw Charlotte, it was as if he had never been to the
East End diner before. The entire room seemed to glow a bit brighter,
the counters seemed spotless, and the exposed cracks hanging off the
counter stools seemed to disappear. He saw her the instant he walked
in, sitting in a booth all alone; a steaming coffee cup in front of
her with her nose in a book. She reached down from time to time and
brought the cup to her lips; her eyes never leaving the pages of the
thick novel.
Her
hair was the colour of a raven's feathers that cut off at her
shoulder blades and her eyes were a chocolate brown. Her skin, the
colour of fresh cream, stood out amongst her dark hair and eyes and
on her nose sat large, black, thick framed glasses. That day, she was
wearing a pale blue dress, cinched at the waist with a leather belt
and black high heels. She looked the part of a business woman on
break from a hard day at the office. She was beautiful.
As
Louie was making his way over to talk to her, his arm was grabbed by
John, a fellow army man who frequented the diner. John pulled Louie
to the other end of the counter, out of Charlotte's view and ear
shot. Louie sat down at a vacant table, an exasperated look on his
face as John sat down across from him. John's gaze flew up to see if
Charlotte had seen him, and he ducked down and leaned closer into
Louie.
“I
saw you looking at her,” John started in a low voice, his eyes wide
with concern. “I would advise that you not even think about talking
to that one. She is no good. I've heard stories. Bad
stories. She's never been married, but she knows her fair share of
married men, if you know what I mean.”
Louie's mouth
dropped open in astonishment. He looked across the diner towards her,
she was still sitting in her booth alone, the white cover of her
novel covering all but her glasses and hair.
“What are you
talking about?” Louie asked, clearly confused by John's statement.
“She's known
around town by all of the men, Carter. A friend of mine, Peter
Kramden, said that his wife left him thanks to that she-devil. It's
best you just forget all about Charlotte Ramsey before you even meet
her.”
Louie sighed and
nodded. He was normally not easily swayed by hear-say, but he didn't
exactly have the best luck with women and he didn't need to get
caught up in another bad relationship. He had settled in New York and
he wanted his time in the city to be as carefree as possible. The
prospect of Charlotte seemed like fun and lively. There was something
about her that made him curious as to what was hiding underneath.
...
Over the next few
weeks, Louie had heard some interesting stories about Charlotte. She
was always the subject for chatter around the diner and it seemed
like women, as well as men, had their own stories about her. From the
way she was with men to the glasses on her face, everything was a
facade.
“Her glasses
don't even have real lenses in them,” said Mary, one of the
youngest waitresses at the diner. She had leaned over the counter to
talk to Louie, her blond hair sat up top of her head in a tight coil
as her blue eyes stared straight at Louie's face. “She wears them
so she can look down at us 'regular folk.' She's too good to even
have a conversation. She just comes in every day, has a couple cups
of coffee and keeps her nose in that damn book.”
Louie could see the
complete disgust that crossed over Mary's face. It had seemed as if
Charlotte had crossed her personally, and Mary had not yet gotten
over it. He just smiled and thanked Mary for her insight, tapping her
hand after paying for his breakfast.
“Thank you,” he
said, getting up from his seat and shaking his coat onto his
shoulders. “I'll see you tomorrow morning, Mary.”
As
he opened the door to the diner, it was caught in the winter wind and
met the face of a woman standing on the other side. Louie rushed out
and came face to face with Charlotte, her gloved hand covered her
nose and mouth as tears formed in her dark eyes. He stood there,
almost paralysed until she looked up at him and he saw blood dripping
down her chin.
“Oh my god,” he
said, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and rushing to help
clean her up. “I'm so sorry, the door swung open in the wind.
Please, can I see?” Charlotte looked at him, taking the
handkerchief and ducking to the side of the diner, out of the wind
and traffic of the street. She pressed the soft fabric against her
nose and shook off her now bloody glove.
“Please, miss,”
Louie begged, following her to the alleyway. “I can take you to a
doctor, my car is around the corner I---”
“You've done
enough,” Charlotte cut him off. She had pulled a mirror out of her
bag and was dabbing under her nose. Her voice caught Louie off guard,
and he stood there watching her. “I'm fine. I know it wasn't your
fault so please stop.” She looked up at him, the now red
handkerchief still dabbing at her nose.
Louie cleared his
throat and stepped towards her. “Can I at least buy you an 'I'm
sorry' cup of coffee?”
Despite the pain
resonating out of her face, she smiled up at him and nodded.
...
Charlotte's laugh
was the best thing about her, Louie had determined. She laughed as if
she had heard the funniest joke ever told every time, and always
brought her hand up to her lips. She had deep dimples in her cheeks
that only showed when she smiled and her cheeks seemed to push her
glasses further up her face. Her brown eyes were bright with light
when the glorious sound of her giggles poured out from within. Louie
could listen to her for hours.
It was also found
out that Charlotte was alone in New York. Her mother had passed away
four years prior to cancer and left Charlotte everything. Her father
had passed away when Charlotte was just seven years old to pneumonia.
She spoke of her parents in such an extraordinary way. Her mother
worked after her father passed, paying for the home that Charlotte
grew up in on her own so Charlotte could live there with no worries
of debt. Her father was an amazing man who loved Charlotte and her
mother like they were the only humans on the planet. He was
hardworking, honest and a loyal man right up until he took his final
breath.
“I remember the
day he died,” Charlotte smiled as she touched her coffee cup with
light fingers. “He said 'Char, you need to take care of your mama.
You know what a stubborn old thing she is.' He always made me smile
right up until he closed his eyes forever.” Charlotte sniffed back
her tears and laughed in spite of herself.
“What about your
mother?” Louie asked, taking a sip of coffee as he watched her dab
her eyes.
“The day she
died, she gave me an envelope and told me to wait until the first
night I was without her to open it. The night after her funeral, when
I left the hospital and went home to the big empty house, I got into
my mother's bed, the same one she shared with my father. I got right
in the middle and I opened the envelope. There was a note from Daddy
and a note from her inside. Both said they loved me very much, and
that they knew I would miss them so they each had something of theirs
to give to me.” Charlotte pulled a small charm out from under the
collar of her dress. It was a small, gold locket on a thin, gold
chain.
“That's very
pretty,” Louie said, leaning over and taking the piece in his hand
to get a better view. It was worn and very old, but Charlotte had
taken good care in cleaning it. “Is there anything inside?
“A photo of us
three and a photo of them on their wedding day,” Charlotte smiled
and let the locket fall against her dress. “This was from Mama.”
“What about your
father?”
Charlotte showed
Louie her right hand. Around the middle finger was a very dainty gold
band. This too was very old and very worn. It was older than the
locket, and Charlotte seemed more protective over it than the locket.
“It was my
grandmother's wedding band,” Charlotte said as she spun the gold
band around her finger, playing with it as she spoke. “It is over
70 years old and the only thing my grandmother ever kept. I remember
playing in her house and she would let me try on her jewellery. This
is the only thing I was never allowed to touch.”
“Can I ask you
something?” Louie asked after a moment of silence.
“Sure,”
Charlotte said after taking a sip of her coffee. “You can ask me
anything.”
Louie cleared his
throat and leaned in, signalling for Charlotte to come closer so he
could whisper. “Why do the girls in here hate you?”
Charlotte smiled
and leaned back, taking another sip of her coffee. “Because I left.
I was offered a position as a receptionist and these ladies think
that I got it by sleeping with the boss. Mary, the blond girl, was
after the position and when I got it instead of her, she started
spreading around rumours. I come in here now with my book every day
just to annoy her.”
“Isn't that a bit
mean of you?” Louie cocked his eyebrow at her playfully. “You're
basically rubbing it in her face every day. You get to wear such nice
clothing and she's in a uniform.”
“Yep,”
Charlotte grinned. “It amuses me.”
They both laughed
and finished their coffees. Charlotte asked for a second, but Louie
politely refused.
“I have to get
going,”he said, standing and getting his coat and scarf on. “Will
I see you again?”
“You definitely
will,” Charlotte smiled up at him. Louie smiled back and walked out
as Mary came around and refilled Charlotte's cup. Charlotte pulled
out her novel and began to read with a wide smile on her face.
She stood there,
just at the top of the hill. He could see her smile from below and he
ran as hard as he could. His legs felt heavy; his body refused to
move any faster. The weight of his uniform dragged him back down the
hill. He looked up. His eyes stung as sweat dripped into them from
his forehead. The hill seemed to grow, pulling her further up into
the clouds. Still, she smiled down at him as she disappeared into the
night sky.
Louie
called on Charlotte often. He found himself driving to her house at
all hours of the night, honking his horn and waiting for her to pull
back the curtains of her bedroom. She always smiled when she saw his
car parked in her driveway, and she always rushed downstairs to see
him. The surprisingly warm night in April was no different.
He
honked his horn and stepped out of his car, shutting the door and
leaning against it as he gazed up at the bedroom window. In a
instant, she appeared in her doorway. Her hair was up that night in a
loose bun at the nape of her neck and she had on her favourite pale
blue dress. It swung around her ankles as she stepped off of her
porch and sauntered over to give Louie a hug. She wrapped her arms
around his neck, and he breathed in her perfume as he held her
tighter than he had before. Her breath caught and she was about to
ask him what was wrong as she pulled back when he leaned in and
kissed her lips. On instinct, she pulled away, her mouth open in
shock. She looked at him and his eyes never looked away from hers.
She leaned in and kissed him, this time allowing herself to be as
open as she knew how to be. He leaned away from her, and looked at
her in the moonlight. Her hair was loosening from the thin ribbon she
had tied it back with and her eyes were large behind her glasses. He
couldn't help but smile.
“Come
on,” he said rubbing her arms and pulling her back away from his
car door. “We're spending the night away from home.” He walked
with her to the passenger side door and helped her inside before
trotting back to his side and hopping in with new energy. She smiled
as she watched him, and rolled down her window as he started the car
back up.
...
They
drove for what seemed like hours. Charlotte sang to the radio as
Louie smiled and held her hand. The air flowing through the windows
was warm and inviting, rare for that time of year, and Charlotte felt
safe and secure in the car, singing to the songs on the radio and
allowing the people on the street to stare at her. Louie, on the
other hand, was quiet. He seemed distracted, withdrawn and his hand
often turned clammy against hers. She looked at him as they stopped
at the street light and noticed his tense jaw. He was thinking about
something very intensely, and it bothered her.
“Louie?”
she asked, her tone small and soft.
“Hm?”
he looked over at her and let out a small, fake smile.
“I'm
getting a bit parched, you know from singing my heart out over here.
Why don't we stop somewhere for a cup of coffee?”
Louie
cleared his throat and looked at his watch. “Is anything open at
this time? It's passed midnight.”
“The
diner is. Open until 2 in the morning. It's only across town, we can
make it. Can we?”
Louie
turned on his blinker and drove in the opposite direction. “Sure,
since you asked so nicely, darling.”
She
saw his jaw set again, and couldn't help herself.
“Louie,
what's wrong?”
“The
diner,” he said, not looking at her. “At the diner, we'll talk.”
...
He sat across from her in the booth,
his blond hair tousled loosely from being in the wind all night and
curled around his eyebrow. He ran his hands over the warm cup of
coffee that he had no intention of drinking. He wouldn't make eye
contact and it scared her, as he had been quiet all evening. Suddenly
he looked up, his eyes held questions and his mouth seemed to open
and shut as he tried to find the correct words.
“There have been many stories about
you,” he said as his voice caught and caused him to clear his
throat. “Many stories.”
“Such as?” Charlotte wondered as
she pushed her black framed glasses higher up her nose and tucked a
strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned forward and watched him as
he squirmed under her gaze.
“For one,” he started, leaning
back away from the cooling coffee cup. “I heard that you have a
history with men. I am not one to judge, I know that you have not
been married. The history of lovers; the names I do not know nor do I
wish to know. I would just like to not be one of them.” He gulped
and looked down at the table, avoiding her gaze completely.
“What were the others?” she asked,
her hands trembling lightly in her lap.
“Many of the others revolved around
the stories of your lovers. There was one separate, but it may seem a
tad ridiculous.”
“Try me.”
“Well,” he started, clearing his
throat again and leaning forward to once again fondle the cup of
coffee. “Many ladies have said that you wear those glasses upon
your nose to look down at everyone.”
“What?!” Charlotte burst out
laughing, unable to control herself. She covered her mouth with her
hand. “This is a serious claim?”
Louie nodded, looking at her with wide
eyes.
“I can tell you now that that
claim is false,” she sighed, removing her glasses and putting
them on the table. Her brown eyes, now larger than they looked behind
the frames, looked across at him and squinted involuntarily. “I am
positively blind without them. Although, I guess they could be used
for fun.” She put the glasses on the very tip of her nose and
raised her eyebrows at him, making him smile back at her.
“And the other claims?” he asked,
almost in a whisper as he looked down at his lap.
She sighed and pushed her glasses back
up her nose. “Also false.”
He looked up quickly, his mouth open
slightly. “Really?”
She nodded and played with the little
gold ring on her middle finger. “I have never been married, that
part is indeed correct. I have also never had a lover. The names of
those who claim to have bed me are either lying or very imaginative,
for I have vowed to save myself for the man who loves me enough to
marry me.”
Louie watched her. She turned from a
woman into an innocent girl in no more than a moment. Before he could
say anything, she looked up at him.
“Have you ever loved someone,
Louie?” The question fell from her lips and hit the table in front
of him with a bang only he could hear.
“Once,” he whispered, swallowing
the lump that formed in his throat. “Only once.”
“Well?”
Louie shifted in his seat and reached
in his pocket for his cigarette case and match box. He pulled one out
and lit it before placing the case on the table in between them. She
too reached across and took one, lighting it with matches she kept in
her purse.
“Before the war, I was engaged to be
married to a lovely girl in Tennessee,” he started, taking a drag
of his cigarette. “Her name was Anne, and she was beautiful. Her
hair was the colour of dawn and her eyes were ocean blue. She was my
everything.
“I left for war and I told her that
I would be back. She cried in my arms the night before and promised
that she would wait for me, as all women do. I was gone two years.
She had written to me often for the first year. After that, I hardly
heard a word and when I did, it was vague. An 'I miss you' here and
there. I thought nothing of it. Stupid fool I was.” He looked down
and sighed, shaking his head at the memory of it all.
“What happened?” Charlotte asked,
leaning forward and resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she
watched him take a deep drag from his cigarette.
Louie blew his smoke straight up as he
leaned his head back. “I came home and the first thing I did was go
to her house. I practically ran up the steps of her porch and knocked
so loud, her neighbours heard. I was so excited to see her. Her
mother answered the door and looked up at me with such sorrow in her
eyes, the smile instantly vanished from my face.
“Anne was gone. She had married
Thomas, the butcher's boy who had not been drafted. Her mother had
the ring I had given Anne in an envelope with a letter from Anne
inside.”
Louie pulled a worn envelope from his
breast pocket and placed it on the table in front of him. His name in
fancy script was carefully penned on the front and a clear, circular
outline was visible through the thinning paper; the outline of an old
engagement ring. He touched it gingerly with his pointer and middle
finger as it laid there, completely sealed.
“Why have you never opened it?”
Charlotte asked.
“I don't want to know what she had
to say,” a tear dripped down his cheek, he never made an attempt to
hide it or wipe it away. “I don't want to see the ring unless it is
around her finger. I don't want to read the goodbye at the end of
this letter. I can't read the goodbye.”
Charlotte watched him with sad eyes as
he leaned back and wiped his face with his hands and laughed
uncomfortably. He looked at her and smiled, putting his cigarette out
in the ashtray at the end of the table.
“What about you?” he asked,
pulling another cigarette out of the case and lighting it. “Have
you ever loved anyone?”
“No,” Charlotte said, taking a
small drag out of her cigarette. “I thought I did. Last year, I
really thought I was in love. But I wasn't and it ended.”
Louie wasn't convinced. He raised an
eyebrow at her, smirking slightly.“Well?” he asked.
“My turn, huh?”Charlotte put out
her cigarette and leaned back in the booth, rotating the small, gold
ring on her middle finger once more. “I was with a guy named Mark.
He was tall, with the darkest eyes I had ever seen. He could look
right through me any time he felt like it. It was like I was naked
around him. He could see everything and he didn't care what it looked
like.
“We were inseparable. I was happiest
with him, I went everywhere with him and it never mattered where we
were going. We could just go to the market or to the bakery or even
to the park and watch people and my day would be perfect. I always
had a good time with him and I thought that he had a good time with
me. I thought maybe he loved me.
“But he called me one day after I
had finished work at the diner and he said he had met someone else. I
didn't even cry. I didn't flinch. I didn't beg him to stay. I just
hung up the phone. It surprised me that I didn't feel a thing. It's
as if I just numbed myself to kill any feeling I could have felt. I
never spoke to him again after that day. I see him from time to time.
He comes into the diner with her and I feel nothing. It's as if he is
a stranger.”
“You were not in love,” Louie said
quietly, watching Charlotte spin the ring.
“I guess not.”
“You promised you would come
back.”
“Am I not here?”
“Are you? Is it all really you?”
“I'm here. It is really me.”
“You've changed.”
“No, my darling.”
“If you haven't....”
“Yes...?”
“Then that means that I have...”
When Charlotte got into bed that
night, all she could see as she stared at the ceiling was Louie's
face. The tear that trickled down his cheek, so unashamed and
vulnerable, she felt closer to him than she had in the entire three
months she had known him. Her heart broke for him as she remembered
his fingers, so gently caressing the worn envelope as if it were a
newborn baby. The emotional, vulnerable side of him made her heart
beat just a little bit quicker than she had anticipated. She had
never seen a man act in such a way.
She rolled onto her side and closed
her eyes, trying to think of anything else but the way his grey eyes
looked through her that night. His blond hair a tousled mess, usually
so pristine, so perfect; the way it curled against his forehead in a
boyish manner after driving through town. The gentleness of his hand
grazing her fingers as she sat next to him in his car. Everything
about that night made her heart race and her palms sweat. Was this
love?
Maybe she did love him. After the
emotional night, the bruised hearts were open for each other to see
and he had not shied away from her, nor her from him. They were open
and allowing each other to see the scars that plastered themselves on
their hearts like war wounds. Maybe this was what love was all about.
.....
Louie stayed up that night
staring out of his window. The people scurrying along the sidewalks,
even at 2am, momentarily distracted his thoughts. His mind was split
in two. One half contained the image that regularly haunted him:
Anne. With her hair the colour of dawn and her eyes shining with
light, she tortured him. The other half was Charlotte. Her long,
black hair swept around her shoulders, catching on her glasses as she
smiled meekly, her dimples indenting her face. Charlotte calmed him.
Her smile, the gleam in her deep, brown eyes, the womanly figure
behind the innocent persona; her image relaxed him, yet scared him.
He sat on the edge of his
bed with a cigarette tucked between his lips as he thought of the
night he had just experienced. He had never cried in front of a woman
before, not since Anne, and even then he had always tried to hide his
tears. He had never told anyone about Anne's letter, let alone shown
it. Charlotte frightened him. He was too comfortable, too familiar
and it was a new sensation that would take some getting used to. He
had not felt any connection toward any woman since Anne and Charlotte
was making it too easy for him to open up. The past three months with
Charlotte to call on made him feel comforted from the memory of Anne.
He felt his heart healing a little bit more every day. Was this love?
Was he falling for the innocent Charlotte?
The clock on the wall had
ticked its way to 4am when he finally accepted sleep. He closed his
eyes and saw her smiling at him. Her eyes were so tender and he felt
at home as he fell into a deep sleep.
A
heavy pounding woke Charlotte from her deep sleep. It was persistent
and made her entire two-story house rumble. She trembled underneath
her blankets as she reached over and fumbled awkwardly on her
nightstand for her glasses. When she found them, she placed them on
her face, turned on the bedside lamp and listened. The pounding
seemed to subside as her light flashed to life, and soon she was
left with just the sound of her shaky breath.
After moments of
nothing, the pounding started again. This time, it was accompanied by
a man's voice shouting from the porch. She strained her ears to
listen over the thumps on her front door as she left the comfort of
her bed and pulled her white housecoat on over her nightgown. She
reached into the closet and pulled out her father's old baseball bat
as the thumping and the shouting downstairs grew louder. She made her
way down the old, wood steps, clinging to the bat in one hand and the
banister in the other. As the front door came into view, she could
swore that whoever was on the other side was seconds away from
bursting through. With a deep breath, she tightened her grip on the
bat and unlocked her door. As she swung it open and stepped out onto
the porch, she came face-to-face with Louie.
“For God's sake!”
Charlotte shouted as she lowered the bat to the floor and stared at
Louie, panic still written on her face. “What the hell are you
doing here pounding on my door at 2 o'clock in the morning?!”
“Where... Have
you been?” Louie swayed on his feet, holding onto the door
frame to sturdy himself. “I... Have been lookin fer you fer days
and you are yellin' at me?”
“Are you drunk?”
Louie stumbled
towards Charlotte, making her grab his shirt to hold him upright. His
breath smelled of strong whisky and his shirt stuck to his chest and
back in large sweat spots. “I may be but... It's your fault.”
“My fault?”
“Yes!” Louie
shouted, throwing his hands up in the air as if his response was the
only one there ever could be. “You haven't returned my calls, you
haven't come to the diner... You haven't returned my calls!”
“Okay,”
Charlotte grunted as she leaned him up against the door frame. “You
need coffee, Louie. We're going to get you some coffee.”
“Okay. Coffee it
is. Let's get some coffee,” Louie pulled away from the door and
pushed past her, stumbling towards the couch in the corner of the
living room. Charlotte followed, watching him warily as he walked in
circles across the hardwood floor, mumbling to himself.
“Please sit down,
Louie,” Charlotte sighed as she grabbed his arm and guided him
towards the dark blue couch. “You're going to hurt yourself. Sit
down and I'll get you some coffee.”
“Char,” Louie
mumbled as he flopped down on the worn cushions of the couch. He
looked up at her with half-closed eyes. “Don't go away again, 'kay?
I.... I like havin' you 'round.”
“Okay,”
Charlotte sighed. “I'm going to get you some coffee. I'll be right
back.”
Charlotte walked
into the small kitchen and placed the kettle on the stove. What in
the hell is he even talking about? She thought as she wrapped her
house coat tighter around her and sighed, preparing a large mug for
the very drunk man who lay on her couch. Her hands were still
trembling from the adrenaline and fear that ran through her body, and
all she wanted was Louie out of her house so she could go back to
bed. She glanced out the kitchen door to see how her drunk friend was
doing, and caught a glimpse of him passed out on the couch. His face
was pressed against the arm of the couch and his arm hung limply off
the edge. One leg was straight across the cushions and the other was
bent, hanging off the couch with his arm. She sighed and turned the
stove off, grabbing a glass and filling it up with water. She walked
across the living room and placed the glass of water on the coffee
table and looked down at him. His skin was gleaming with sweat and he
had drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth. She shook her head
and left him there to sleep, walking back up the stairs to her
bedroom. She she got back into bed, she breathed in deep, trying to
make get her hands steady and her heart back to normal. Louie had
scared her, and she hoped he was out of her house by morning. She
closed her eyes and fell in and out of sleep for the rest of the
night.
She
ran through the meadow, giggling like a child. Her curls bounced upon
her shoulders as her white dress flew behind her, exposing her
cream-coloured knees and calves. Happy, luminescent, perfect. She was
running towards someone. As he chased after her, she could catch a
glimpse of a man, another man his age. The man was tall and thin, his
white sweater was tucked into beige slacks and he was standing there
smiling. The man's hands in were his pockets, waiting for her to
catch up. She giggled and reached for the man, looking back at her
past and running faster. She reached the man, he took his hands out
of his pockets and caught her, swinging her around. The meadow seemed
to die around their spinning forms. The sky turned from bright and
beautiful to dark, gloomy; clouds ready to split open and pour acid
down.
“Char?” Louie called
out to her from the living room couch. He sat slouched over the
coffee table, his forearms rested on his knees as he waited for the
soft footsteps of Charlotte entering the room. When he heard her, he
looked up at her and patted the seat next to him. “Come here.”
Charlotte moved across the
room and sat next to him, eyeing him warily. “What is it?” she
asked, pushing her glasses up her nose. He pulled the worn envelope
out of his pocket and placed it on the table in front of her. Her
eyes widened in her head and she looked at him curiously.
“Still carrying it
around?” she asked, clearing her throat and tucking her hair behind
her ear.
“I want you to open it,”
he said softly, his gaze never leaving the envelope. “I want you to
open it and read me her letter. I can't do it on my own. It's been
years and she haunts me. I love you, Charlotte, but I could love you
better if I erased her completely. Carrying this around, it's done
nothing but hurt me.”
She reached for the letter
and held it in her hands. It was the first time she had ever touched
it. She had always been respectful of the envelope, its contents and
the space that Louie had put between her and it. This was one
boundary she never even thought to cross. Her thumb traced the first
letter of his name, the ink now faded with time, and she looked at
him for approval.
“Are you sure?” she
asked, almost in a whisper. He nodded and moved closer to her as she
ripped the left side open and revealed the contents inside.
The sweet smell of time
spilled out from inside of the envelope. The paper, folded neatly,
with care, smelled of old perfume and ink. The ring, placed in the
bottom right hand corner, rolled toward the opening as if searching
for the light it had been denied for 6 years. It fell into
Charlotte's hand, the tiny diamond shining in the afternoon sun that
shone through the window. She heard Louie's quivering sigh next to
her and instinctively moved closer to him. With their legs against
each others', Charlotte placed the ring on the table and opened the
letter. The paper rustled in her trembling hands, and she read the
letter out loud in a soft voice.
Dearest
Louie,
I
must say first that I am sorry. I am sorry that I was such a coward,
such an animal with no willpower. I never meant for this to happen. I
thought I was stronger.
All
I have been doing for the past 16 months is thinking of you. However,
the things I have been thinking were not the pleasant thoughts I had
hoped. All I keep thinking and dreaming about is you coming home to
me in a coffin or in a wheelchair. I keep having nightmares of
visiting your grave with a bouquet of flowers that you will never
smell. I look at photographs of you and I when we were happy and it
hurts me instead of making me feel better. It has been a hard 16
months.
I
hate myself, but I have found the affections of Tom Bueler becoming
more and more satisfying than waiting for something that may never
come home to me. I love you, Louie. Please do not think that I don't,
but I am in pain without you. The waiting and the longing; it hurts
to breathe. I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up every
morning screaming for you from my bed, it is exhausting. Please... I
hope you understand.
Tom
has asked me to marry him. He can offer me a life that I know you
would want me to have. He comes from a fine family, he says he loves
me and after the past few months of getting to know him, I believe I
love him too. He is a good man, Louie.
This
is my goodbye. I am a coward for not doing this in person. I just
know that I would never be able to stand the look on your face as I
walk away from you. I know that your eyes would keep me locked in
place and I can no longer stand still. As cowardly as it is, this is
the route I need to take.
I
will always love you Louie. I hope that you find someone who is
better than me; someone who would have the courage to look you in the
eye instead of putting a pen to paper. I'm so sorry.
Goodbye.
Love
always,
Anne.
Charlotte
put the letter down on the table after reading it and looked at
Louie. Instead of the tears she expected, his face was painted with
anger. His hands were balled into fists and his brow furrowed into a
deep line. Before she could speak, he grabbed the ring from the table
and stormed out of the house, the screen door clacking loudly behind
him. Charlotte quickly got up and followed him. She reached the door
in time to see him get into his truck.
“Louie!”
she called out as he turned the ignition and put the truck in
reverse. He stopped and looked at his fiance standing on the steps of
her mother's home. Her face was a mix of shock and sadness as her
hair swept around her shoulders and caught on the frames of her
glasses. He was brought back to the first night he had dreamt of her,
and turned the ignition off. He got out of the truck and she walked
down the path towards him. He grabbed her and held her tightly
against his chest.
He was there
that day. He watched her in her white dress and her lace veil,
walking down the aisle on her father's arm. He stood in the back of
the church in his best suit, completely hidden amongst the guests. As
much as he wanted her to look sad, she looked happier than he had
ever seen her. Her new husband lifted her veil and kissed her lips.
He watched their first walk together as man and wife. He watched them
get into the limo that would take them away to start their new lives.
He watched her start a new life while he walked away with his heart
still stuck in the past.
The
train pulled into the station in Nashville as scheduled. Louie helped
Charlotte onto the platform and walked with her arm-in-arm towards
the street to catch a taxi. This was the first time Charlotte had
been outside of New York, and she was excited to meet Louie's family.
Her eyes scanned everything in sight; the buildings, the cars, the
people and the houses. Everything looked so different and beautiful.
For a big city, it was nothing compared to New York and she loved how
small it seemed in comparison. It was rustic and charming, exactly
how Louie had said it was.
An
hour after arriving in the city, their taxi pulled up to an old,
Victorian style home, and a short, plump woman rushed outside. Her
hair was blond, just like Louie's, with grey strands forming around
the front and sides. She wore an old dress with an apron strapped to
her waist. Louie got out of the taxi and hugged his mother.
“My
baby,” the older woman wept as she leaned away from him and looked
at him. She had not seen him since he had left home 6 years prior and
it was if she was looking at him for the first time. Her hand reached
up and stroked Louie's stubbly cheek as Charlotte watched from the
other side of the taxi with a warm smile on her face. The woman
turned her eyes, the same eyes that she had passed onto her son,
towards Charlotte and made her way around the taxi to hug the newest
member of the family.
“I'm
Martha,” she said as she embraced Charlotte as if she was her own
daughter. “But you can call me Mama too if you like.” The corners
of Martha's eyes crinkled as she smiled widely, looking at Charlotte
with the affection only a mother could have. Charlotte felt like she
was at home instantly.
Charlotte
woke up the next morning next to Louie. It was the first time they
had ever slept in the same room, let alone the same bed, and her lips
broke into a wide grin when she saw him sleeping next to her. His
undershirt was twisted slightly, as he had turned from one side to
the other in the middle of the night. He was now facing her, his hair
a messy, blond mop on top of his head and his mouth open just a slit.
His cheeks and chin were covered with blond stubble and his mouth
twitched slightly as he continued his dreaming. She crept silently
out of bed, careful not to wake him, and tip-toed out of the room to
the washroom. She looked herself in the mirror as she brushed her
teeth. Her engagement ring shone in the light from the vanity and she
smiled through the toothpaste. In a week, she would be wearing a
second band on that finger, and her name would officially be
Charlotte Carter. As she spit the toothpaste into the sink, she heard
a light rapping at the washroom door.
“Charlotte,
dear?” Martha whispered on the other side of the ageing wooden
door. “Are you decent?”
Charlotte
opened the door and smiled at her future mother-in-law. “Morning,
Martha.”
“Now,
now,” Marta waggled her finger at Charlotte and took a step inside
the tiny space. “What did I say? You call me 'Mama.' I was
wondering if you would like to come with me to the market. I need to
pick up some things to make breakfast before the men wake up.”
“I'd
love to. Just give me a few moments to get myself dressed. I'll meet
you downstairs.”
Charlotte
made her way back to the bedroom where Louie was still sleeping
soundly, having shifted onto his stomach. She quietly grabbed her
flowy, pink dress from the wardrobe and a pair of white, low heels
and went to change in the washroom. When she had dressed and tied her
hair in a bun at the nape of her neck, she added a touch of red
lipstick and headed downstairs to find Martha. She was already
waiting by the door in a flowered blue dress and low black heels. She
carried a basket in one arm and her purse in the other, and her
greying blond hair was topped with a blue hat. As they walked out the
door, Charlotte took the empty basket from Martha's arm and strolled
alongside her, talking of life in New York.
As
they neared the corner market, two blocks from the Carter home,
Martha stopped walking, causing Charlotte to stop short and glance
behind her. Martha's jaw was clenched and her body had stiffened.
Charlotte took a step closer to her and looked towards the market.
“Mama?”
Charlotte asked in a hushed tone. “Is something wrong?”
“There
she is; Anne Bueler,” Martha answered, her tone stern and filled
with disdain. “The nerve of her moving back to this neighbourhood.”
Charlotte
glanced towards the market and saw a pretty, blond woman, close to
her own age. Her hair was hanging in loose curls around her shoulders
and her white summer dress flowed in the wind, dancing around her
legs. She held a small basket in one arm and was smelling the
vegetables for freshness. Charlotte's heart jumped into her throat
and her hands began to tremble.
“Anne
Bueler,” Charlotte whispered, clearing her throat and straightening
her shoulders. “Well Mama, shall we?”
Martha
looked up at Charlotte and walked alongside her towards the shop.
Both of their mouths set in a stern, straight line as they grew
closer to Anne. They passed her at the door, allowing her to watch
them enter, and she quickly followed them in, calling Martha's name.
Martha turned around and looked at Anne with pure hatred in her eyes
and a polite smile on her lips.
“Hello
Anne,” Martha smiled up at the tall, blond woman standing in front
of her. “How's the husband?”
“He's
doing fine, Martha,” Anne smiled back, seeming uncomfortable as she
looked beside Martha towards Charlotte and extended a dainty, white
hand. “Anne Bueler.”
“Charlotte
Ramsey,” Charlotte said cooly, extending her left hand towards Anne
and allowing her to see her shining engagement ring. “Very nice to
meet you.”
“Are
you married to one of Martha's sons?” Anne held onto her basket
with both hands in front of her as she looked at Charlotte's hand.
The ring shone extra bright and Charlotte smiled at Anne's question.
She had been waiting.
“No,no.
Engaged. Louie and I are to be married a week from today.”
Charlotte watched Anne's face turn paler against her golden blond
hair. Despite herself, she smiled a little bit wider.
“Well,”
Anne cleared her throat and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,
clearly uncomfortable. “It was very nice meeting you. Please give
Louie my best.” She quickly walked out of the market and down the
opposite side of the street. Charlotte felt like she should feel bad
for Anne, and that feeling followed her the whole way back to the
Carter family home.
The morning of
Louie and Charlotte's rehearsal dinner was a dark and rainy one. The
rain pattered on the windows and dripped down in clear streams over
the porch overhang. Charlotte decided to spend the morning in bed,
cuddled under the blankets, as Louie rose early with a weird
sensation in the pit of his stomach. He headed downstairs and saw
that he was awake before everyone, including his mother. He had just
strolled through the kitchen, dressed in only an undershirt and
slacks, and opened the ice box when he heard a light rapping at the
front door. Surprised, he walked through the sitting room and opened
the wooden door to see Anne, completely soaked from the rain, staring
up at him. Her white dress stuck to her body, her slip showed through
the drenched fabric, and her hair dripped cool water down her face.
The moment she saw him, she burst into tears.
“Oh my gosh,”she
sobbed, her hands in front of her mouth as Louie opened the storm
door and stepped out onto the porch, closing the wooden door behind
him.
“Anne,” he
started slowly. “What are you doing here?”
She looked up at
him with tear soaked eyes and took a step towards him. “I had to
make sure it was true.”
“If what was
true?”
“That you're
really here.” Anne stepped even closer towards him, her body
pressed up against his. She placed her hands on his shoulders and ran
them down his arms, feeling his skin as if to make sure he was real.
Louie quickly moved and grabbed her wrists in his hands, moving her
away from him forcefully. His palms burned against her fair skin and
she looked up at him with desperation in her eyes.
“Who told you I
was here?” Louie's eyes stared into hers as he spoke in a hush,
stern tone. His jaw tensed as he waited, his hands never leaving her
wrists.
“I saw your
mother at the market. She was with the awfully rude girl who says she
is to marry you tomorrow,” she stuck out her chin stubbornly as he
released her wrists, frustrated. He leaned against the storm door and
crossed his arms over his chest. “Please tell me that she is not
who took my place at your side.”
“Took your
place?” Louie asked, a small grin crossing his lips as he cocked an
eyebrow at her. “Anne, no one could take your place. You left
your place at my side and went to marry a man who has hated me since
we were kids. You scampered off into the sunset with the Bueler boy,
so don't even dare stand on my mother's porch while my fiance
sleeps upstairs and act like you're surprised I moved on.”
Anne looked as
though she had been shot. Her face was contorted in a frown, her chin
trembled as she held back tears and her whole body shook as if he had
struck her. “But I have come back for you. I always come back for
you, Louie. You're my one. You're the only one there ever has been.”
“This,” he
reached over and held up her left hand to look at a single, gold band
that sat on her ring finger. “proves otherwise.”
“I'm not proud of
myself,” Anne whispered as a single tear rolled down her cheek, her
hand dropping back to her side as he released it. “I have been
thinking of no one but you since the day you left but what else was I
supposed to do?”
“You could have
waited!” Louie shouted at her, causing her entire body to tense up.
She instinctively shielded herself by wrapping her arms around her
waist. “You could have waited for me like I waited for you. I could
have went off and did something sinful with another woman while you
waited for me but I did not because I loved
you. You were
everything. You had everything
I had to give and more but you threw
me away. And the best part of all is you could not even say it to my
face. You had your mother
hand me an envelope the day I came home to you. And now, you have the
nerve to stand here and say that you were thinking of only me?”
...
As Louie shook in
rage on the porch, Charlotte was awake upstairs. Louie's voice
carried through the open window, and she headed downstairs to see
what the commotion was. As she tip-toed down the steps, she heard a
woman crying and speaking to Louie. She hurried down and made her way
to the far window, not daring to move the curtains to see. She sat
quietly on the old, blue sofa, wrapped in the sheet that was once on
the bed and listened as Anne and Louie let go of the 7-year-old
emotions on the porch.
...
“Louie,
please,” Anne sobbed as Louie moved away from the door and took out
his cigarette case and matches. He sat down in an old, worn out chair
that was placed on the far side of the porch.
“Yes,” she said
quietly as she watched him put a cigarette to his lips and light it
from where she stood. “I married Tom but I was never happy with
him. Not like I was with you.”
She walked over to
him and knelt between his open knees, clutching onto him and leaning
forward so he would look at her. “I could never be as happy as I
was with you. Please....”
“What do you want
from me?” he groaned at her. He looked down at the eyes that could
once turn him into putty in her hands. “You left and when you did,
you left this huge hole in me, Anne. I don't think you understand
that. I was lost. I had no one. I had to run away from my family in
order to forget about you and even then, I couldn't. You were a
nightmare to me for six years until I met Charlotte. And now, you
show up on my mother's doorstep crying thinking I will just come back
to you?”
“Louie, I left
because I felt like I had to,” Anne moved closer to him, gripping
his knees and looking up at him with a tear-stained face. “My
mother was forcing me, she made me go out with Tom. Yes, I fell in
love with him but nothing could ever compare to the love I felt and
still feel for you. Louie, you're back and I'm back. It's a sign.”
“I think you need
to go,” Louie looked at her, kneeling in between his knees. “I'm
getting married tomorrow. You need to go. Go back to Tom. Go home
Anne.”
“I want you to
marry me,” she sobbed at his feet. “I want you and me to be
together. I will divorce Tom, it can be as it was before you left.”
“You should have
thought of that before you left this with your mother,” Louie stood
and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out the old envelope and
dropped it beside Anne, the ring inside clinking against the wooden
floor. She picked it up and stared at it as Louie stepped over her
crumpled form. “Now get off my porch. And take that with you. Go
home, Anne.”
He walked in the
house and allowed both doors to slam behind him. He pressed his back
up against the door and sighed heavily, a lump forming in his throat.
It was not a lump of sadness, but of past pain and sorrow. From the
corner of his eye, he saw a white form next to the window, sitting on
the sofa. Charlotte, still wrapped in the sheet from their bed,
looked at him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. She was
proud of him for letting go of everything he had been hiding for
seven years.
“How much did you
hear?” He asked, still leaning against the door. He watched her
rise from the sofa and slowly walk towards him.
“Enough,” she
whispered as she pressed her body against his. He wrapped his arms
around her and held her tightly. He inhaled the smell of her hair,
still smelling of apple scented shampoo. She pulled back and looked
up at him, resting her hands on his hips. “Back to bed?”
He smiled down at
her and pushed himself away from the door. “Back to bed.” He
wrapped an arm around her blanketed form and together they walked
back upstairs.
...
“I had to do it,”
he said to her as she lay down with him under the sheet. “I had to
give it back to her.”
“The ring?”
Charlotte asked with her cheek pressed against his chest.
“It didn't belong
to me. It never did,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through
her hair. “I didn't expect to see her ever again. Why didn't you
tell me you saw her with Mama?”
Charlotte shrugged
her shoulders. “I don't know, really. I guess it was seeing your
mother's reaction to seeing her. It was frightening. She looked like
she could strangle the life out of Anne for just breathing next to
her.”
“Yeah,” Louie
chuckled at the image. “That's Mama though. Always protective.”
“Are you gonna
tell her about what happened this morning?”
“God, no!”
Louie laughed and hugged Charlotte. They laid in bed together until
Mama came to get them for breakfast. Neither of them said a word to
her about Anne's visit. The day was going to be a busy one, but all
Charlotte wanted to do was lay there with Louie forever.
Charlotte was up at
6am, bright eyed, alone and with butterflies rolling around in her
stomach. Louie was forced to spend the night down the street with
Aunt Grace, Mama's youngest sister. . It is, apparently, bad luck to
spend the night alone with bride before the wedding. She had never
slept so restlessly, sleeping with Louie for the past week has
spoiled her. Sleeping alone left her cold, she missed the warmth that
Louie brought to her bed.
“Charlotte?”
Martha's voice rang through the door. “Are you awake?”
“Yes,”
Charlotte answered, walking to the door to greet her future
mother-in-law.
“We have your
dress downstairs. Grace brought it over after spending the night
re-sewing the hem. Your mama was taller than you by quite a bit,
wasn't she?”
“Yes,”
Charlotte replied softly, remembering the photographs of her mama in
the same dress she was going to be wearing today. “I did not
inherit the same lean body type that my mother had. Which, I guess,
makes customizing dresses easier.”
“Yes, it does,”
Martha chuckled as she linked her arm around Charlotte's and escorted
her down the stairs. The whole family room was decorated in white and
blue flowers and ribbons. Martha was up until 3 in the morning
decorating and getting everything prepared for the day. All of the
ladies in Louie's family were helping her get ready, which made
Charlotte feel relieved and terrified at the same time. As they
walked into the dining area, she was greeted by the laughter and
applause of the most important women in Louie's life: his aunts.
Around the large, oak dining table were 6 women, all similar in age
and all almost identical in appearance. Aunt Grace, who Charlotte had
met the day before, lept out of her chair, bounded her way over to
Martha and Charlotte, and enveloped Charlotte in a tight hug. She had
the same blond hair as Martha, with no greys yet to be seen, and the
same round, short body.
“Are you
excited?” She beamed at Charlotte, who looked flushed and
overwhelmed.
“I am,”
Charlotte replied, a small smile creeping across her face as her
anxiety kicked in. Being in a room with all of these women made
Charlotte feel surrounded and suffocated. “I'm just a bit nervous.
Very nervous. Down-right scared out of my mind.” The tears started
flowing before Charlotte could stop herself. All 7 women watched her
with curiosity and confusion as Charlotte broke down, sitting at the
table and wiping her tears away with her fingers.
“I'm sorry if I
upset you, darling,” Grace said, crouching beside Charlotte and
offering her a tissue from out of her purse. Charlotte took it
gratefully and dabbed her eyes, her breath escaping her in hiccups.
“You didn't upset
me,” Charlotte whispered as she tried to catch her breath and stop
the tears from falling. “I'm just a bit overwhelmed. I'm happy and
I'm excited to be marrying Louie. But...”
“What is it,
child?” Margaret, the eldest at the end of the table spoke up. Her
blue eyes held in tears as she watched Charlotte.
Charlotte took a
deep breath and sat up straight. “I just wish my mama was here. I
wish my daddy was here to walk me down the aisle. I wish they both
could have met Louie and all of you and could have seen me as happy
as I am right now; how happy Louie has made me over the last year.”
“Oh, sweetheart,”
Martha said, coming up behind Charlotte and hugging her around the
shoulders. “I know you wish they were here. I wish they were too.
But you know, they are here. As corny as it may sound, they are
watching you. They see how happy you are. They probably think you're
crazy for marrying into this family,” Charlotte barked out a soft
laugh as she dabbed her eyes once more. “But I know they're proud
of you. I know they are happy and they will be with you today. Not in
body, but in spirit.”
Charlotte looked up
at Martha from over her shoulder, and at all the women who had taken
time out of their days to help her with the next phase in her's and
Louie's life, and couldn't help but know that Martha was right.
“Thank you,” Charlotte whispered as new, fresh tears streamed
down her face. They weren't the tears of sadness, but tears of
happiness as all of the women came over and wrapped her in their
embrace.
“Now, enough of
the blabbering and blubbering,” Margaret straightened, wiping her
own tears from her eyes. “We have a lot to do and very little
time.”
...
The next three
hours were a blur of blond hair and southern accents as the Aunts
worked furiously to get Charlotte ready. Martha had prepared
breakfast and was getting the cake decorated. Margaret worked on
getting the flowers arranged and Charlotte's bouquet perfect. Grace
and Moira, Martha's twin sister, gathered all of the belongings that
Charlotte needed, including the dress, shoes, flowers and jewellery
into the car so she was ready to get to the church. Sophia and
Louisa, the two middle sisters, prepared Charlotte herself. Sophia
tended to Charlotte's hair, which was perfectly set in a beautiful
curled bun that sat off to the left side and let some soft ringlets
pool out onto Charlotte's shoulder. Louisa carefully applied
Charlotte's makeup. Simple, elegant red lips and minimal eye shadow
and mascara was all that was necessary but seemed to take forever as
Louisa applied it all with pain-stacking accuracy.