This is going to sound so emo but I just don't care.
I started off this year with three really good friends: Kaydie, Jessica and Shawn. We spent New Years together, they have all spoken to my boyfriend over Skype, we used to do everything together. Then something changed. Kaydie and Jessica had it out and ended their 6 year friendship. Shawn and I were stuck in the middle between the two and we tried to stay neutral but it was hard. My mother was in the hospital and I needed all of my friends, but with those two at each other's throats, it got harder and harder. Eventually, Jessica was left out in the cold with just me as her friend, as Shawn had, inadvertently, chosen Kaydie's side.
After this had happened, I too was left out and I eventually told Shawn how I felt. I made sure he knew that he had hurt me very badly and I wasn't about to allow him to treat me like I was nothing, and told him that he and I could no longer be friends. It hurt, and honestly, it's been almost a week and it still hurts.
I have always been the type to give until I can't give anymore. Money, clothes, food, emotional support, it didn't matter. If I had it, I would give it away if someone needed it. That's how my mother raised me. As good as this sounds, it makes for bad friendships because I get used a lot. Which, I feel, is what happened with Shawn. Whenever we went out, if he needed gas money, I would offer what I had, and I never asked him to take me somewhere if I didn't have at least $10 for him. When we went out somewhere, I would usually be the one buying someone drinks or food, and I didn't complain because it wasn't a huge deal to me. He was my friend. It didn't matter. However, it got to a point where he only hung out with me when I could give him money. He only hung out with me when Kaydie asked. He only hung out with me when everyone else was busy. I was his last resort and with my mom in the hospital, I needed people. And he stopped being there for me.
Many people will probably read this and think that I'm over-reacting. I'm not. This is the third time this has happened, and the 5th time we've fought. There are only so many chances that someone can give to a person. I had had enough. Shawn seemed fine with losing me, but not fine with losing Jessica. He texted her saying that he didn't want to lose her as a friend, and if she forgives him, then that's fine. I just know that I can't. I'm not saying that he never helped me. He did. Many times. He drove me to see my mom many times. He came and got me from my grandmother's funeral. He was there when I was in horrible shape and needed someone, but at a time when I need someone the most, I can't have them flake on me and he seems to do so at the worst of times.
With this, I have also seemed to lose Kaydie; the first friend I made when I started school and the one who introduced me to Shawn and Jessica. I know that everyone is going through hard times, but I wouldn't ever want to lose Kaydie. If I have, I won't go begging her back, but I hope she knows I love her.
This year has been a shitstorm, and all I hoped for was some support. I have Jessica, who checks on me daily and lets me know that I am supported, but I have lost someone who promised to always be by my side, and someone who is slipping away due to the first loss. I feel utterly alone, and I wish I knew a way out.
Sunday, 27 September 2015
Tuesday, 15 September 2015
Interview with the Aspie
I am a woman in a relationship. I've been with Robert for 6 years, and it's been a learning curve. As much as I know about him, there's a lot I still don't quite understand, especially when it comes to him as an "Aspie." For those that are unfamiliar with the term, an Aspie is someone who has Asperger's Syndrome. For this blog, I am interviewing him, learning what he feels about having Asperger's while educating myself. :)
Do you find that people are more understanding when you explain it?
Robert: Often have to explain to them what aspergers is, but I am surprised to see that many people actually know what it is, and have someone close to them who has it too.
What do you find is the best way of coping with having Aspergers?
Robert: Well....the best way with coping with it is to understand it. Know your strengths and weaknesses and most importantly, don't try to be someone you are not. I been on medications for both adhd and aspergers, but the side effects of those meds were worse than what they tried to cure.
ADHD and Aspergers is part of who I am, medication can't change who I am. I am now off of those meds for a while and figured out that eating the right food has much better influence on me mentally. Artificial food additives make me worse, just like we all know how sugar and sweets can kids go crazy, same thing happens inside my head if I eat those additives. My mind will just go crazy, up to a point where I just end up having a headache.
Do you have any rituals or obsessions that you do in order to get through every day life, such as a set schedule or a certain way of doing things?
Robert: Don't think i have. but then again, if i did it would be normal for me to do things like that, so it wouldn't look like a ritual or obsession to me.
Do you think that therapy has a helping hand in learning new social skills?
Robert: Therapy can learn your limitations and how to deal with them, so they become less of an disadvantage. But if it can learn new social skills,... to me, I never learned any new social skills from therapy. But some people might learn new social skills from therapy
Which situations do you find the most difficult to deal with?
Robert: Unfamiliar situations, and situations where I become the center of attention for a bigger crowd.
Me: So parties and concerts, for instance?
Robert: kinda. it's more like giving a presentation, where everyone is focussed on you. I don't like big crowds to begin with, but you can be pretty invisible int hem if you want to. I'd rather sit in a dark corner, like Strider (Lord of The Rings), and observe.
Do you have certain sensitivities? Like to sound/light/touch, etc?
Robert: I don't like strangers to touch me, or those who come too close when talking to me.
I am sensitive to bright light. What I really dislike is sudden loud noises, one of the main reasons why I don't like dogs, especially the barky ones.
What is the most important advice you could give to someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers
Robert: Best advise I could give is let people you care about know you have it and what you struggle with and what you don't like, so they help you with that and keep it in mind. for instance, I don't like unannounced visits, so everyone close to me knows to call me 1st, so I know they are coming over and i can mentally prepare for it.
Also good to remember to not focus on what you can't do and what you are bad at. Focus on the things you are good at instead, stay positive.
We aspies can do great things. Albert Einstein was an aspie, Bill gates is an aspie, just to name a few.
So try to find a profession where you can use your strengths the fullest.
Robbie is, and always will be hard work. Lol. But he's worth the work. I have had to change my mindset a lot, and being with him has made me a more mature, open and honest person. I know that if I am upset, I can't just wait for him to guess, or be passive aggressive when I can just tell him. I let him know what is happening in advance, and realized that when he does the same, it actually eases my anxiety.
Being with an Aspie has made me grow up. I believe that, if I had dated someone else, I wouldn't understand things the way I do now. Being with him has benefited my life, and I couldn't be more thankful.
When did you get the feeling that
you might have Aspergers?
Robert: Never really did had that feeling until someone mentioned it to me; a professional, after I got diagnosed with adhd. This all happened after I got a huge burnout.
What was the initial reaction when
you were finally diagnosed as an adult?
Robert: Mostly relief. All my life I kinda knew I was different but was trying to be "normal" not knowing what was wrong with me and why I can't be like everyone else. Had trouble keeping jobs, making new friends etc. So after I got diagnosed with both adhd and later aspergers, it all fell into place.
Okay. So would you say that having Aspergers has helped your relationships with people, now that you understand what you have?
Robert: Not really, but it helps to understand me why I have trouble with relationships with people, and I can explain it better to others.
Do you find that people are more understanding when you explain it?
Robert: Often have to explain to them what aspergers is, but I am surprised to see that many people actually know what it is, and have someone close to them who has it too.
What do you find is the best way of coping with having Aspergers?
Robert: Well....the best way with coping with it is to understand it. Know your strengths and weaknesses and most importantly, don't try to be someone you are not. I been on medications for both adhd and aspergers, but the side effects of those meds were worse than what they tried to cure.
ADHD and Aspergers is part of who I am, medication can't change who I am. I am now off of those meds for a while and figured out that eating the right food has much better influence on me mentally. Artificial food additives make me worse, just like we all know how sugar and sweets can kids go crazy, same thing happens inside my head if I eat those additives. My mind will just go crazy, up to a point where I just end up having a headache.
Do you have any rituals or obsessions that you do in order to get through every day life, such as a set schedule or a certain way of doing things?
Robert: Don't think i have. but then again, if i did it would be normal for me to do things like that, so it wouldn't look like a ritual or obsession to me.
Do you think that therapy has a helping hand in learning new social skills?
Robert: Therapy can learn your limitations and how to deal with them, so they become less of an disadvantage. But if it can learn new social skills,... to me, I never learned any new social skills from therapy. But some people might learn new social skills from therapy
Which situations do you find the most difficult to deal with?
Robert: Unfamiliar situations, and situations where I become the center of attention for a bigger crowd.
Me: So parties and concerts, for instance?
Robert: kinda. it's more like giving a presentation, where everyone is focussed on you. I don't like big crowds to begin with, but you can be pretty invisible int hem if you want to. I'd rather sit in a dark corner, like Strider (Lord of The Rings), and observe.
Do you have certain sensitivities? Like to sound/light/touch, etc?
Robert: I don't like strangers to touch me, or those who come too close when talking to me.
I am sensitive to bright light. What I really dislike is sudden loud noises, one of the main reasons why I don't like dogs, especially the barky ones.
What is the most important advice you could give to someone who was diagnosed with Aspergers
Robert: Best advise I could give is let people you care about know you have it and what you struggle with and what you don't like, so they help you with that and keep it in mind. for instance, I don't like unannounced visits, so everyone close to me knows to call me 1st, so I know they are coming over and i can mentally prepare for it.
Also good to remember to not focus on what you can't do and what you are bad at. Focus on the things you are good at instead, stay positive.
We aspies can do great things. Albert Einstein was an aspie, Bill gates is an aspie, just to name a few.
So try to find a profession where you can use your strengths the fullest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Word
Robbie is, and always will be hard work. Lol. But he's worth the work. I have had to change my mindset a lot, and being with him has made me a more mature, open and honest person. I know that if I am upset, I can't just wait for him to guess, or be passive aggressive when I can just tell him. I let him know what is happening in advance, and realized that when he does the same, it actually eases my anxiety.
Being with an Aspie has made me grow up. I believe that, if I had dated someone else, I wouldn't understand things the way I do now. Being with him has benefited my life, and I couldn't be more thankful.
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Lessons Learned the Hard Way
I learned a lot this month, even though right now, it's only the 10th.
I learned that you never really know people. You could be best friends with someone and have them turn on you, or a stranger could give you the best advice you could have ever asked for. People are not to be trusted, and I hate that I have to say that. My boyfriend and my sister are the only two that I trust with my whole heart because they are the only two who have never burned me. I found out that, after we have arguments, my "best friend," talks shit about me to mutual friends behind my back. In the past 4 years, I never thought that was possible, but apparently, it is. One argument = shit talking. I'm back in high school.
I learned that once your use has run out, so has your worth. I know none of the girls read this so I will just blast this. No fucks given. I was part of an instagram group for body positivity. I was an admin and did pretty well until my mother was admitted to the hospital. I was accused of not giving my full attention and got right back in, apologized to the girls and was, supposedly, forgiven. However, as the months went on, I was increasingly ignored, and when I was having a especially bad few days (this past couple weeks), I was completely ignored by the group, even though I was there for everyone else. I left, mostly because of my state of mind, but the fact that I felt I had no support was another reason. All of the girls, with the exception of one, seemed happy I left. So I guess I too am happy.
I learned that being an adult sucks. After spending every day without my parents here, I know what it's like to really be alone. And I hate it. I'm used to hearing my mom's TV paired with her Candy Crush game blasting from the living room. I'm used to hearing her singing her made up songs and my dad telling her to shut up because she's annoying him. The quiet is deafening and I hate it. I want to escape but I can't because even if I do leave for a few hours, I always come back to a quiet house. I always come back to seeing her favourite chair completely empty and my dad already asleep. And when I wake up in the morning, my dad is gone and me and my sister are alone again. The days are all the same and there's no escaping.
I learned that some people are toxic and no good, but you can still miss them. After letting go of a friend 3 months ago, it's been harder and harder to not talk to her. With feeling so alone, having the companionship of her is appealing. I know I have my boyfriend, but because of the time difference, between the hours of 6pm and 4am, he's asleep and/or busy with his own stuff. My sister is still friends with this person, so it's even harder. A part of me wishes she would just drop her but I would never ask her to do that. It still hurts and I think it will for a long... Long time.
This month has sucked. Well, this month so far. I just hope that the final 3 weeks is better than this because this... It's enough to make a girl go insane.
I learned that you never really know people. You could be best friends with someone and have them turn on you, or a stranger could give you the best advice you could have ever asked for. People are not to be trusted, and I hate that I have to say that. My boyfriend and my sister are the only two that I trust with my whole heart because they are the only two who have never burned me. I found out that, after we have arguments, my "best friend," talks shit about me to mutual friends behind my back. In the past 4 years, I never thought that was possible, but apparently, it is. One argument = shit talking. I'm back in high school.
I learned that once your use has run out, so has your worth. I know none of the girls read this so I will just blast this. No fucks given. I was part of an instagram group for body positivity. I was an admin and did pretty well until my mother was admitted to the hospital. I was accused of not giving my full attention and got right back in, apologized to the girls and was, supposedly, forgiven. However, as the months went on, I was increasingly ignored, and when I was having a especially bad few days (this past couple weeks), I was completely ignored by the group, even though I was there for everyone else. I left, mostly because of my state of mind, but the fact that I felt I had no support was another reason. All of the girls, with the exception of one, seemed happy I left. So I guess I too am happy.
I learned that being an adult sucks. After spending every day without my parents here, I know what it's like to really be alone. And I hate it. I'm used to hearing my mom's TV paired with her Candy Crush game blasting from the living room. I'm used to hearing her singing her made up songs and my dad telling her to shut up because she's annoying him. The quiet is deafening and I hate it. I want to escape but I can't because even if I do leave for a few hours, I always come back to a quiet house. I always come back to seeing her favourite chair completely empty and my dad already asleep. And when I wake up in the morning, my dad is gone and me and my sister are alone again. The days are all the same and there's no escaping.
I learned that some people are toxic and no good, but you can still miss them. After letting go of a friend 3 months ago, it's been harder and harder to not talk to her. With feeling so alone, having the companionship of her is appealing. I know I have my boyfriend, but because of the time difference, between the hours of 6pm and 4am, he's asleep and/or busy with his own stuff. My sister is still friends with this person, so it's even harder. A part of me wishes she would just drop her but I would never ask her to do that. It still hurts and I think it will for a long... Long time.
This month has sucked. Well, this month so far. I just hope that the final 3 weeks is better than this because this... It's enough to make a girl go insane.
Wednesday, 9 September 2015
Nicole Arbour Responses: A Fat Girl's Opinion
I'm going to start this out by saying that Nicole Arbour, just like everyone else in the world, is entitled to her opinion.
I'm not one of those people who are offended easily, and this time is no different than any other occurrence featuring people who speak out against fat people. I watched the "Dear Fat People," video and the entire time, I found myself with a straight face waiting for a fat joke that I haven't heard before. There were no new jokes. None.
What was expected more than the over-used jokes was the outrage the video caused all over social media. Within 24 hours, there were response videos and people crying about it. And I'm not unsympathetic. I completely understand why people were upset. However, as I said first and foremost: She is entitled to her opinion.
For years, people were saying that "real women have curves," and "men like meat, dogs like bones," etc etc. All of these phrases were essentially "skinny shaming." Now that the body positive community has erupted all over social media, it seems as if ANYONE who talks bad about fat people are to be shamed in return and to be criticized and attacked for their view. If we're supposed to "love everyone," and project such love and positivity around the world, why is Nicole Arbour being hated on so harshly?
I personally believe that the views that Nicole Arbour expressed weren't even her own. I believe that she made a video bashing the most popular movement on social media right now because she knew it would get her attention. She knew that a video with that kind of content would garner her millions of views, get people talking about her and that's exactly what she got. Within 24 hours, everyone knew who she was. Everyone knew her name.
The fact that everyone is even responding to her is laughable. What do you think will happen? That her channel will get shut down? Well, it did, but CNN got it back less than 2 days later so what does the crying actually do other than bring her more attention? Nothing. It does nothing.
And I'm not saying all of this because I support her claims. I'm a fat girl, I've always been rather large and I'm trying to change my habits in order to get healthier. I was bullied in school, I have been called the most foul of names due to my weight, but did it harm me in the long run? No, because people who call me names on the internet are just people on the internet! If you can't handle the opinions of others, then you shouldn't use the internet! I just don't understand why people who have no stake in your daily, offline life affect you so much. It's not like you're seeing these people all the time. It's not like you go to the same coffee shop as Nicole Arbour so what does it matter what she thinks? She hates fat people. So what? I thought the whole Body Positive movement was supposed to mean loving your body despite what others think, not "fight everyone who has a different viewpoint."
Nicole Arbour is a blunt, rather unfunny comedian who you can easily avoid by not following her on Youtube/Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. If you want to have an impact, then live your life and show people like Nicole Arbour that they are wrong. Show them that fat people are not just lazy stereotypes and I promise, you'll have an easier time on social media. Exude happiness and love for the ignorant and let go of the viewpoints you don't agree with. Life is too short to spend arguing with people who don't matter.
I'm not one of those people who are offended easily, and this time is no different than any other occurrence featuring people who speak out against fat people. I watched the "Dear Fat People," video and the entire time, I found myself with a straight face waiting for a fat joke that I haven't heard before. There were no new jokes. None.
What was expected more than the over-used jokes was the outrage the video caused all over social media. Within 24 hours, there were response videos and people crying about it. And I'm not unsympathetic. I completely understand why people were upset. However, as I said first and foremost: She is entitled to her opinion.
For years, people were saying that "real women have curves," and "men like meat, dogs like bones," etc etc. All of these phrases were essentially "skinny shaming." Now that the body positive community has erupted all over social media, it seems as if ANYONE who talks bad about fat people are to be shamed in return and to be criticized and attacked for their view. If we're supposed to "love everyone," and project such love and positivity around the world, why is Nicole Arbour being hated on so harshly?
I personally believe that the views that Nicole Arbour expressed weren't even her own. I believe that she made a video bashing the most popular movement on social media right now because she knew it would get her attention. She knew that a video with that kind of content would garner her millions of views, get people talking about her and that's exactly what she got. Within 24 hours, everyone knew who she was. Everyone knew her name.
The fact that everyone is even responding to her is laughable. What do you think will happen? That her channel will get shut down? Well, it did, but CNN got it back less than 2 days later so what does the crying actually do other than bring her more attention? Nothing. It does nothing.
And I'm not saying all of this because I support her claims. I'm a fat girl, I've always been rather large and I'm trying to change my habits in order to get healthier. I was bullied in school, I have been called the most foul of names due to my weight, but did it harm me in the long run? No, because people who call me names on the internet are just people on the internet! If you can't handle the opinions of others, then you shouldn't use the internet! I just don't understand why people who have no stake in your daily, offline life affect you so much. It's not like you're seeing these people all the time. It's not like you go to the same coffee shop as Nicole Arbour so what does it matter what she thinks? She hates fat people. So what? I thought the whole Body Positive movement was supposed to mean loving your body despite what others think, not "fight everyone who has a different viewpoint."
Nicole Arbour is a blunt, rather unfunny comedian who you can easily avoid by not following her on Youtube/Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. If you want to have an impact, then live your life and show people like Nicole Arbour that they are wrong. Show them that fat people are not just lazy stereotypes and I promise, you'll have an easier time on social media. Exude happiness and love for the ignorant and let go of the viewpoints you don't agree with. Life is too short to spend arguing with people who don't matter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)