A Letter To A Friend

  How do you tell someone you care about that they're wasting their life? How do you tell someone who has been around for years that the person they're choosing to spend their life with is using them? Is there any easy way or is it like a band-aid; tear it off and hope to not rip the skin underneath?

  All I ever wanted for you is happiness. You deserve someone who loves you and who accepts you for everything you are. You deserve someone who doesn't want to change you, but upgrade you from boy to man. However, I feel like I can't tell you these things in person because it ends up in a fight.
  I know that I am not the easiest person to talk to. I get angry, I believe I am always right and I think, because I'm the oldest, that I know what's best for everyone. I know that I can be incorrect in some ways, but what I say and do comes from a place of genuine care and concern.
  I believe that you are wasting your time. I know that you disagree, or maybe you're with her because no one likes her; an attempt to rebel against everyone who says you shouldn't be with her? No one really knows the real reason as to why you are wasting your time other than you. There's just too many red flags for me, as your friend, to stay mum about this.
 You have changed so much in the past few months, and I know you say it's because of things like work or a certain someone who used to work with you, but it's not and you know it's not.You've been changing slowly ever since getting into this relationship with her, it's not hard to miss. The excuses need to stop, so I'm going to outline the reasons as to why she doesn't deserve you.

• She lies about the worst things
• She refuses to allow you into her apartment
• She's still married
• She's sexually selfish (this is from your own mouth)
• She has a violent past
• She has no desire to meet and interact with your friends and family
• She plays games and lies about stalkers in order to get out of spending time with you
• She uses her old relationships as leverage to get you jealous

  I know you will probably have an excuse for all of these points, but that's all they are: excuses. There's no denying the facts that are laid out for you on paper, but I know you will try. So, instead of justifying my facts,  I will bring up a couple very valid points.
  You told me, as you drove me home one night after us not speaking, that you did not trust her. You said to me, point blank, "I don't see a future with her because I don't trust her." She won't allow you into her life and it's scary for me to watch you give your all to someone who doesn't care enough to allow you to spend time alone with her in her own apartment. Someone who doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth. Someone who, I believe, isn't even really attracted to you as a person, but thinks your car and job are not only attractive, but convenient for her. Let's face it, where else in this city is going to find someone who will shower her with affection, take her out, spoil her and only ask for some kisses and cuddles in return? Something is very wrong when none of your friends, except for maybe a couple, want to be around her; when your own mother says that there is something about her that she doesn't quite find right. But who knows, maybe I'm wrong. I haven't met her. I just have some word of mouth to go off of. However, some of the negative words came from your mouth. How else are we, your friends, supposed to react when this girl's own boyfriend says that he can't trust her?
  On the same car ride, I asked you a very simple question: "Besides physical contact, what does she do for you?" You not only hesitated, you couldn't answer the question. So I am asking that again, now. What does this girl do for you that puts her ahead of all of the other women in the world who would be more than happy to date you? What does she give you, other than physical affection, that draws you in because, in my experience with asking you this, she gives you absolutely nothing.  In my experience with talking to you about this girl, she provides nothing of substance to your life and it's sad how you're okay with that.

  I care about you, and as I said when you got back together with her, as long as you don't talk to me about her or bring her around me, feel free to date anyone you want. It may sound harsh, especially since me and you were, at one point, very close, but it is for your benefit more than mine. When someone uses one of my friends, and I know that's what is happening, I have no filter and I will resolve to calling her out. I don't want to do that. I promised I wouldn't.
  You deserve so much better, and I can't help but to get worried when I see you settling for someone who uses you for things like your car and money. You're such a good person, and you're getting dealt such a shitty hand when it comes to women. I just hope you, eventually, realize your worth and stop associating yourself with trash.