How could I possibly express how I feel to someone who doesn't
understand feelings? I could look at her, straight into her eyes and she
would never understand me because how could she? She has never felt
anything like this. She has never been ridiculed, bullied, beat down. She
has never had to fight a day inher life for anything; the blank look is
expected. I see her standing there, blurring over slowly as my eyes fill
with tears and she just.... Stands there... Like a statue in the middle
of a crowded park. No emotion, no feeling, no sense of any remourse
because she is better than me.. Her eyes are dead because she can not see
me.
I scream for her, tell her how much she hurts me,
yell at the top of my lungs that I will never forgive her for the things
she has put me through and.... Still nothing. Always nothing. There will
never be anything behind the coldness... My screaming is for nothing. It
results in nothing but a raw throat, loss of voice and rashes from the
stains my tears leave upon my cheeks.
I see all of
these on her but there's a difference between feeling and seeing. She has
the same rashes upon her red cheeks. Her mouth opens and releases the
same screams as mine does but the eyes in the mirror are dead. I guess
the reflection does not lie... And I really am just trying to feel
anything real. I guess I am just dead inside.
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